Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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