You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
