fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
