First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
