My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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