last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
