you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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