I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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