You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
