I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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