no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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