I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fuck appropriateness.
the day after is always just damage control
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
