hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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