If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
