i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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