I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
