so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
