Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
