They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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