I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
