I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
