I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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