it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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