I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
