i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Will exercising make me less horny?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
