I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
