i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
