He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
