Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
