she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
