I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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