I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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