he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
