The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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