Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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