My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
