i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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