His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my liver is dry heaving
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
