Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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