I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He better not be in your backpack
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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