Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
