I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
