like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
