first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
