She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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