My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
