Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
