I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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