She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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