I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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