Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
