I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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